I recently received a Facebook message from a meidel in Los Angeles who asked me to write about the topic of Shomer Negiah. Shomer negiah, the concept in Jewish law that restricts physical contact with a member of the opposite gender, is a frequently discussed topic amongst shidduch daters. However, despite all the discussion that revolves around being shomer, there is really nothing to debate on the subject. The bottom line is it’s a halacha (Sources: Bible: Leviticus 18:6 , Babylonian Talmud: Sabbath 13a , Mishneh Torah: Kedushah (Holiness), Issurei Biah (forbidden sexual relations), 21:1-7, Shulchan Aruch: Even HaEzer 20-21). One can choose to either abide by this halacha or not. That’s the end of discussion. However, the interesting thing about Shomer Negiah compared to other areas of halacha, is the level of discipline that is required in order to not transgress this particular law. While eating traif and violating the Sabbath are both big time aveyras, I can’t honestly say that eating a cheese burger or igniting a fire on the Sabbath have the same appeal for the large majority of us, as does physical contact with the opposite gender. I think my friend, Mike, described this challenge best when he quoted his Rebbe from Netiv Aryeh, as saying “Oz anybody who says they are Shomer Negiah after dating someone for 30 days is either a liar or gay!” While I may not agree with every word of that statement or other things that this Rav has to say, I think this statement has some validity to it. For any straight bachur or meidel who interacts with the opposite gender on a regular basis, abiding by this halacha can be very challenging. Over the years I have noticed that there are 5 general approaches in the Modern Orthodox community when it comes to the observance of the laws of Shomer Negiah: The Ignorant Approach, the Indifferent Approach, the Shtark Approach, the Humanistic Approach, and the Shomer Negiah by Default Approach.