Several weeks ago, my Chief Shidduch Advisor, Shaindel, suggested that I go to a speed dating event with her. I said “No way…not my thing!” After much persistence, I finally caved and decided to tag a long because there is always that possibility that my bashert could be in attendance. So off we went to speed date! We walked into the building, signed up, and received our name tags. Having never attended a speed dating event before I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but the set up was pretty much as I imagined it would be. There were several long tables with chairs on both sides. The meidels sat on one side, while the buchrim sat on the other. Every 90 seconds the shaddchan would blow her whistle and the buchrim would slide over a seat to meet the next highly eligible meidel. After everyone met each other via speed dating, there was dinner and time to mingle. As the mingling took place I got to meet/observe some of the other buchrim at the event. Some guys were well groomed, polished, and dressed to impress. While the overwhelming majority of others looked like they rolled out of bed 5 seconds ago! It looked as though many guys put absolutely NO EFFORT into their appearance! I began to contemplate why anyone would walk out of their house looking like such a shlamazel, ESPECIALLY when you are attending an event where you are “interviewing” to find your bashert! Most things in life we have no control over, however, there are plenty of things that are under our power to change or perfect. The following are three observations I made that night that could easily be corrected by the male attendees, assuming they put in some time and effort.

“I work at the YU Seforim Sale because I’m an incredibly well rounded and open minded individual and I relish the opportunity to meet and converse with a variety of different people that come to the sale…Especially the cute Michlala girls!” The Yeshiva University Commentator quoted me as saying those words in response to the question: “What is your favorite part about working at the Seforim Sale?” For some reason, while I was a student at YU, I had a phase where I was absolutely mesmerized by Michlala girls. I don’t know if it was the ultra-tznius way that they dress or the mystique that they possess by only coming out of hiding for “shtark” events such as the Seforim Sale or the Yom Ha’atzmaut chaggiga. Either way, during my senior year at YU, I knew for a fact that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a meidel that attended Michlala! After about 6 months, many dates, and several Michlala girls later, my obsession finally subsided and I began to question what lead me to develop such an interest in these girls. Furthermore, I wondered, in this day and age, what leads young men and women to develop such a strong fixation with any individual? I’ve come to realize that there are two competing influences that affect our decisions and perception when looking for an ideal mate: Secular culture vs. Religious culture.