Girls like jerks! I have never understood the reason for this, but it happens to be a fact. After years in coed camps and schools, and even now during the shidduch process, it is a theory that has been reconfirmed over and over again. The meidels that tend to have it the worst are the super cute and popular ones. They generally have tons of buchrim flocking to them who span the spectrum from the captain of the basketball team to the captain of the Torah Bowl team. However, given their extreme popularity, and their ability to choose almost any buchur they want, they almost always end up with a jerk. Instead of spending time trying to determine why this is the case, I’d like to focus on what attributes make up a high quality buchur. I feel that by pointing out these common characteristic that all top notch buchrim share, it will allow meidels to be more equipped to filter out all the subpar guys in the shidduch world.

I consider myself to be a very lucky and blessed individual! I have my health and a loving mishpacha! I’ve obtained a degree from one of the finest Universities in the world (i.e. YU) and I have a network of business colleagues that spans the globe. I posses a six pack that would make Brad Pitt jealous (only a slight exaggeration) and the type of winning personality that would make Tony Robbins shepp nachas! Despite all the innate ability that hakadosh baruchoo has blessed me with, one of the main reasons I consider myself to be such a fortunate buchur is the fact that I have never been on a bad date! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve taken out plenty of meidels who weren’t my type, my look, and bored the heck out of me, but I can not classify any of my dates as being a real fiasco (bli ayin harah, knock on wood, poo poo poo)! Throughout the past several years, as my friends and I have started dating, I have heard some real dating horror stories! I’ve heard tales of shidduch dates that made my stomach turn and made me want to throw in the towel on the whole shidduch dating process. After several years on the dating front I have decided to outline some of the more basic things that one should refrain from doing on a date. Granted, I’m sure there are plenty of wild stories of one party doing or saying something completely outlandish and out of line, but here are 10 of the more commonly practiced habits that one should refrain doing on a first date.

As my El Al flight landed on the tarmac in JFK several years ago, the clock started ticking! At the time, I had no idea that there was a clock or that it started ticking, but as I entered YU I began to feel my time tick away! The clock I speak of is the “shidduch clock.” Many buchrim and meidels feel the pressure to get married once they get back from spending a year in Israel. They spend a year growing, reflecting, learning, and working on themselves and now the next logical step is to get married! Not only do people assume it is the next logical step, but many meidels make it their MISSION to get married or at least engaged by graduation! From the first day back in the U.S. it seems like the main focus for many people has become developing their shidduch resume by spending a summer at HASC, getting involved with Yachad, working at the Sefarim Sale, or finding any and every excuse to go up to the guys campus. Over the past few years, since my Shana Aleph, I began to wonder why there is so much pressure to get married so soon after Israel. Why are meidels so panicky if they are still not married by graduation? Also, is it really the worst thing in the world to be single for several years after college?

Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israeli Independence Day, is of special significance and a cause for celebration for Jews around the world. At Yeshiva University, Yom Ha’atzmaut is of great significance and a cause for celebration for an additional reason: It is the only day during the entire year when ALL the Stern girls come up to the [...]

Several weeks ago, my Chief Shidduch Advisor, Shaindel, suggested that I go to a speed dating event with her. I said “No way…not my thing!” After much persistence, I finally caved and decided to tag a long because there is always that possibility that my bashert could be in attendance. So off we went to speed date! We walked into the building, signed up, and received our name tags. Having never attended a speed dating event before I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but the set up was pretty much as I imagined it would be. There were several long tables with chairs on both sides. The meidels sat on one side, while the buchrim sat on the other. Every 90 seconds the shaddchan would blow her whistle and the buchrim would slide over a seat to meet the next highly eligible meidel. After everyone met each other via speed dating, there was dinner and time to mingle. As the mingling took place I got to meet/observe some of the other buchrim at the event. Some guys were well groomed, polished, and dressed to impress. While the overwhelming majority of others looked like they rolled out of bed 5 seconds ago! It looked as though many guys put absolutely NO EFFORT into their appearance! I began to contemplate why anyone would walk out of their house looking like such a shlamazel, ESPECIALLY when you are attending an event where you are “interviewing” to find your bashert! Most things in life we have no control over, however, there are plenty of things that are under our power to change or perfect. The following are three observations I made that night that could easily be corrected by the male attendees, assuming they put in some time and effort.