There are some things in life that just never seem to get any easier for me. I still have a hard time facing my parents when I get less than a B on an exam, just thinking about being chazzan in front of a large group of people makes my stomach turn, and I find it nearly impossible to restrain myself from discussing Tachlis for any extended period of time. However, the one thing that takes the cake in terms of being exceedingly difficult for me is nishting someone (Note: Nishting is the act of ending a potential relationship with someone after 5 or less dates.*). No matter how many times I’ve done the act of nishting, it still always manages to tear me up inside. I don’t know if it makes me less manly or more of a ba’al chesed, but it’s not a very pleasant feeling. Over the past week or so, I’ve been approached by many bachrim and meidels who have the same feelings about nishting as I do. People have asked me for tips and advice on this very sensitive issue. Thankfully, after about 2 years in the shidduch dating business, I’ve come up with a few rules that apply to both guys and girls regarding the ever so dreaded “Nisht.”

I am very appreciative when someone contacts me to set me up with an eligible meidel. Being someone who wasn’t fortunate enough to find his bashert on his first date or in elementary school, I am very grateful when someone takes the time to think of me in this regard. However, sometimes you get those suggestions that are so out of whack, and so not practical that it makes you wonder “Is this person for real?” Just the other day I got one of these off the wall suggestion and it got me thinking that there are really 4 basic categories of compatibility that shaddchanim should keep in mind before setting up two people: 1) Geographic location, 2) Physical compatibility, 3) Age range, and 4) Religious level.

“Perseverance!” I feel that word sums up the approach that successful people take towards life. It’s the ability to keep pushing forward, despite the obstacles in your way, until you finally succeed. I have adopted this attitude to my own life and have often been lucky/fortunate enough to experience success. Whether it’s in the job market, academics, or athletics, it has always been my philosophy that if I work hard enough I WILL succeed. The one area that my perseverance has not only failed, but has actually backfired is in the world of shidduchim! I find the shidduch game to be different from other parts of life. It seems like the same rules that bring success in virtually every other area, do not apply in the effort of trying to attract a mate.

I have a confession to make! I have yet to share this confession with anyone! I haven’t told my parents, my brothers, or even my close friends! However, I figure that now is as good a time as any to share it, and what better audience to share it with then you – the 1000s of people I don’t know all over the world (some of whom are stalking me) who read my blog! My confession is that I’ve been having a series of dreams! Not Martin Luther King Jr. style dreams of hope and achdut among all nations, rather these are much more frightening. The dreams I’ve been having are all very similar in nature. The dream usually starts with me at some type of social event.