Several weeks ago, my Chief Shidduch Advisor, Shaindel, suggested that I go to a speed dating event with her. I said “No way…not my thing!” After much persistence, I finally caved and decided to tag a long because there is always that possibility that my bashert could be in attendance. So off we went to speed date! We walked into the building, signed up, and received our name tags. Having never attended a speed dating event before I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but the set up was pretty much as I imagined it would be. There were several long tables with chairs on both sides. The meidels sat on one side, while the buchrim sat on the other. Every 90 seconds the shaddchan would blow her whistle and the buchrim would slide over a seat to meet the next highly eligible meidel. After everyone met each other via speed dating, there was dinner and time to mingle. As the mingling took place I got to meet/observe some of the other buchrim at the event. Some guys were well groomed, polished, and dressed to impress. While the overwhelming majority of others looked like they rolled out of bed 5 seconds ago! It looked as though many guys put absolutely NO EFFORT into their appearance! I began to contemplate why anyone would walk out of their house looking like such a shlamazel, ESPECIALLY when you are attending an event where you are “interviewing” to find your bashert! Most things in life we have no control over, however, there are plenty of things that are under our power to change or perfect. The following are three observations I made that night that could easily be corrected by the male attendees, assuming they put in some time and effort.

“I work at the YU Seforim Sale because I’m an incredibly well rounded and open minded individual and I relish the opportunity to meet and converse with a variety of different people that come to the sale…Especially the cute Michlala girls!” The Yeshiva University Commentator quoted me as saying those words in response to the question: “What is your favorite part about working at the Seforim Sale?” For some reason, while I was a student at YU, I had a phase where I was absolutely mesmerized by Michlala girls. I don’t know if it was the ultra-tznius way that they dress or the mystique that they possess by only coming out of hiding for “shtark” events such as the Seforim Sale or the Yom Ha’atzmaut chaggiga. Either way, during my senior year at YU, I knew for a fact that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a meidel that attended Michlala! After about 6 months, many dates, and several Michlala girls later, my obsession finally subsided and I began to question what lead me to develop such an interest in these girls. Furthermore, I wondered, in this day and age, what leads young men and women to develop such a strong fixation with any individual? I’ve come to realize that there are two competing influences that affect our decisions and perception when looking for an ideal mate: Secular culture vs. Religious culture.

Several weeks ago I was walking with a few friends to the subway when we ran into two fine meidels. I was good friends with one meidel, and the other one was a super cutie that I’ve never met before. After a brief exchange of pleasantries we were on our way. The following day I followed up with my friend and asked her to set me up with the super cutie. She responded by saying “No, I don’t see it! You eat at coed meals on the Upper West Side on Shabbos…she would never date you!” As absurd as this excuse may sound, I’m sure that everyone reading this article can identify with a similar experience. At some point in our dating lives we have all asked someone, who we thought was our friend, to set us up, and they responded by saying “I don’t see it…” followed by several nonsensical excuses as to why they won’t mention your interest to their friend. It’s almost ironic that one of the biggest obstacles in our search for our bashert is our friends! Our single friends and our married friends both play their own special part in making it even more difficult for us singles to find our one true love!

Yoni: Hi guys! I have a blind date tomorrow, any suggestions as to where I should take her?
Yirmiyahu: Is she a hottie?
Yoni: I don’t know…it’s a blind date!
Yirmiyahu: You don’t know how she looks?!?!? That’s your first problem! Just take her to Starbucks! It’s my go-to place for first dates!
Yoni: Isn’t that being a bit cheap?
Yirmiyahu: Why would I spend more than $5 on someone I don’t know!
Moses: Yirmiyahu, you ARE cheap! Take her to My Most Favorite…the salmon there is phenomenal!
Joey: Na, too expensive, Café K is my makom kavua for first dates…I find it especially romantic!
Yisroel: I’m a Marriott guy myself…
Yoni: Woaaah! You take your dates to the Marriott! Isn’t that moving a bit quickly!
Yisroel: Not like that silly! We sit in the lobby and talk.
Yoni: Wow, you’re super cheap…and boring!
Aaron: I just take my first dates to Dave and Busters. I like playing video games so worst case scenario, if the date is a complete disaster, at least I have a pleasant time.
Yoni: Interesting strategy…

“Just Do It” – Nike coined this slogan in the late 1980’s and it was chosen by Advertising Age as one of the top five ad slogans of the 20th century. The chachma behind these three words goes way beyond just marketing athletic equipment! It applies to various aspects of life. Whether you need to muster up the energy to go to the gym after an exhausting day at work or finding the courage to speak in front of a room full of people…you are always subconsciously saying to yourself ‘Just Do It’ in order to make things happen! One area that I find this phrase particularly applicable, and an area that I’m sure Philip Knight and the people over at Nike didn’t fathom it would have any bearing, is in regards to the shidduch scene! Whenever most buchrim spot an attractive meidel, we have a tendency to freeze up and not do anything! Instead we take it upon ourselves to do some Facebook/Google stalking in order to find out who she is and how we can get set up with her! The ball is in our court, and we are essentially looking to a 3rd party to have them take control of our destiny! Why don’t we seize the opportunity, go up to the meidel, strike up a conversation, and ask for her number? Why do we always look to a third party to make things happen instead of taking Nike’s advice, mustering up some courage, and JUST DO IT?